Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Attention All CEO’s, Directors, and Managers

Do you want optimum performance from your employees? Do you want undying loyalty to the cause? Well look no further; we have uncovered a revolutionary new way to keep your employees at the top of their games. For 132 installment payments of $300.00 we can whip your employees into shape and make them happy at the same time. Is this a secret psychological tactic only known by Shao Lin Monks? No it’s simple, it’s quick, it’s painless (usually),it’s free beer at work! Oh yes my friend we have reached the top of the management mountain and now you can too!

The Plan
This foolproof plan was engineered over at the ad agency Arnold Worlwide. There, a traditional vending machine has been transformed into a beer dispensing at work robot super power, which is referred to affectionately as “Arnie”. The traditional bill and coin receivers have been removed in favor of a touchscreen and radio-frequency reader. This allows fob-carrying employees to be greeted by name.

There is a catch
You can’t feed your employees just any beer, you have to feed them the best. Arnie is stocked up with bottles of beer brewed by the employees. That’s right my friends homebrew (kind of). Inside there are six styles of brew which were brewed by Arnold Worldwide employees at the do-it-yourself microbrewery named Barleycorn’s.

How much should you charge your employees?
Nothing! It’s free! (Although it’s not entirely clear if Arnold Worldwide picks up the tab at the microbrewery to actually make the brew). Each employee is allowed 3 beers a month from Arnie. The beer is theoretically available 24hrs to the employees, but it is not to be consumed until after the work day. Everything is tracked by a Mac minicomputer and amazingly no one has “slipped up” and consumed any of the brews during the work day.

If you would like to be a part of this revolutionary revolution in management call now!

(This is in no way a real advertisement and if you think it is you are a chicken genius)

P.S. if my manager is reading this I’m definitely on lunch break.

Adapted from article at BostonHerald.com to read entire article click here.



  1. Me too! We would have to lobby for more than 3 beers a month though. Instead of trying to bum cigarrettes, I would be trying to bum beers.